Friday, July 20, 2018
Nancy Kilpatrick Writer: The Box! Not exactly porn. I am struggling and cou...: The Box! Not exactly porn. I am struggling and could use help from a male of normal strength or a strong woman. Help with what? you ask...
The Box! Not exactly porn.
I am struggling and could use help from a male of normal strength or a strong woman. Help with what? you ask. I need to remove a large and heavy object from an enormous box and despite pep talks from friends, I have at my disposal only a feeble brain, combined with a back issue, and a great fear of injury to both myself and damage to The Object within The Box. Consequently, I am thinking, instead of acting.
Yesterday, the UPS guy was adamant—he would not carry The Box up one flight of steps to the second floor, where my apartment is located. I tried to sweet-talk him but ultimately resorted to trickery. I knew this delivery required a signature and while he was getting the 75 pound box out of the truck, intending, as he said, to just put it in my downstairs doorway, I went upstairs. He couldn't have gotten past The Box to get to me for my signature so he had to carry The Box up, whining all the way: "Don't you have somebody to carry it up?" "The company says I don't have to do this!" "I'm already late!" I wanted to say, well, if you had just carried it up right away instead of arguing with me, you would already be driving in your truck, finishing your route! But, for once, I remained silent.
Last night, as I stared at The Box with FRAGILE pasted on every side, and icons of warning: 2 men should lift it, I took a deep breath and used my silly office X-acto, not one of the giant X-actos which I couldn't find, to cut away layer after layer of all sorts of clear wrap. plastic rope, barriers to protect the sides, and so much more and finally got the top of The Box open, which sounds simple but was not. Immediately inside was a tight-fitting Styrofoam shelf I lifted out with difficulty which contained in the compartments various parts, their usage unknown to me. Under that was The Object.
Today, in trepidation, I will proceed to remove The Object from The Box. I have few skills at my disposal, and physical reality often stymies me, but I have narrowed it down to two solutions (the third is standing beside The Box weeping, but I'm a big girl now and have put that option on hold—for the moment).
Option 1 - Cut The Box open down the front and pull The Object out. This would be easiest and yet if there's a problem and I need to return The Object, I will need The Box intact.
Option 2 - Pull The Box down so The Object lies flat and (I was told) simply pull it out. This will allow me to attach things I may need to attach, like wheels, if there are any, after which I can (simply) lift it upright. I hesitate because The Box displays many bold arrows in royal blue pointing upward with the words KEEP UPRIGHT. I don't know if this means for shipping, or if The Object should always be upright under any circumstances, or if putting it down for a few minutes won't harm it provided the lie down is of short duration, or what. Icons and single word/little phrases supposedly do not require an editor and yet I do not have a clear sense of meaning.
Despite my fears, I've decided to pull The Box down onto what I hope is The Object's back (it's wrapped in something opaque so I can't really see what's what.) And I will attempt to (simply) pull it out.
I'm desperate to find a manual inside. There's nothing in the Styrofoam tray but a sheet of paper that warns I should check all Styrofoam to make sure nothing is attached to it before I toss the packaging. The Box has a cord attached to The Object for plug-in to an outlet that was stuck because it was shoved in first, I guess, and The Object was blocking me from taking it out and everything was jammed, but I managed to get the plug-in end free. So far, the hose in the Styrofoam tray is understandable. But there are also two things in the Styrofoam tray and I have no clue about what they are or what they do. (Praying for a manual!)
I've dallied long enough and will pause to execute Option 2. Back after this non-commercial break with the results.
Contrary to my low expectations, after tipping The Box, having the back of The Object on the floor made it easy to pull it out of The Box by clinging to the material covering it (which told me to beware of suffocation if I intend to put my head inside this material). There was nothing under it but more Styrofoam and a fake box bottom. I managed to remove all the plastic tapes and covers and The Object already has wheels or rollers or something so I don't have to attach them. I just need to attach the hose that goes out my problematic windows. Once I felt relieved of the burden of having to figure things out, I could readily see that the 2 round things are extensions for the hose.
There is no manual. The Box has a few identifications of parts of The Object, like where the settings bar is (on top where it says SETTINGS) and the filter on the side, but nothing more. The hose is pretty obvious, even to me, and the cover surrounding the hose also, and now the 2 extensions. I guess The Object is mostly a plug-and-play. One other thing in The Box—a small ant. I know it's not from here because this summer we only have the giant ants. I managed to capture it and put it outside where it might die from breathing Montreal air, or be consumed by one of the giants, but, alas, that was my best rescue strategy.
I find it really hard to be jaded when the world is full of human angels.